I just finished watching the season finale of Euphoria, and I gotta tell yall… I feel the farthest thing from alone right now. Life in all honesty without sounding completely hopeless is but a game or even a dream if you will. Its a game of fate and your fate lies entirely in your actions or even lack thereof. I wonder why my particular generation is suffering the most with anxiety and depression, yeah we can blame it on the media and society for making mental health issues essentially mainstream. I am here to tell you, you are not crazy and there is nothing wrong with you or your life, it’s all that you make it be. Choose what matters to you, for some they want to make a difference, some want to live as one with the earth and take in as much as possible. Either way I will tell you, happiness is something that can never truly be obtain, because you will have bad days.. a lot of them actually and if you always think negative you will receive just that, 7 billion people in this world, not all of us will be millionaires, not all us will follow and complete our dreams… Some of us have to make your order at McDonald’s, some of us save your loved ones in hospitals, some of us will teach the youth. We all have different dreams and goals and the earth will not stop just because things don’t go your way. As Elon musk once said sarcastically ” love is the answer”. To all of the human troubles, being a human only means you are more aware and because of that, we have to be responsible. Yes, we will mistake some worse than others, but if you find love in yourself, if you are willing to forgive others and forgive yourself you will at that moment understand Who and What God is… God is, the best parts of us, and the reason we can get up another day and figure it out because life is less of the little/bad things and more of the intangible things like good memories or that feeling you get around the holidays…In its purest form, it’s stronger than any drug you can create … love

Why you should focus on yourself…


Hey, back with another blog post lets skip the funny, badly grammar intro and let’s get straight in to this..

Today, we are talking about why you should focus on yourself… I was going to say something along the lines of … in your early teens or 20’s you should always stay focused on yourself….but you should always focus on yourself or put yourself first especially if you are not were you want to be in life no matter your age….

I have a confession … recently I made a blog post titled could he be the one? and I got to tell you guys he wasn’t I knew from the moment I met him he wasn’t…. I wasn’t content with lying to myself and pretending he was just for the sake of having someone and not being lonely… I been searching for the perfect love probably since I was 12… I never had my father in my life, and because of that I been missing and yearning for a male figure in my life…

A guy to love me unconditionally, teach me things, help me when needed, and etc… but the more I put myself out there, the more I get my hopes up and the more mistakes I tend to make… every time I get with a guy my life slowly starts to slip away… my money becomes his money and instead of treating myself to things I normally do like getting my nails done, instead I take that money and put it in to who ever I am with at the time  whether it be food, clothing, or hell even gas for his car I go above and beyond and I tend to lose myself… How the hell can I focus on another human being when I can’t even take care of myself ??

I even go as far as changing my life plans/style, I will get distracted in school and tell myself …”Oh, you don’t need college find a decent job and start saving, so maybe you and &so can get your own place” … I lose who I am every single time and it only hurts me …

FOCUS on yourself, stick to whatever plan God has for you… Dont get astray… find your passion take that leap… we all have something in us that could help or allow us to be successful, but we tend to lose that something… chasing something that isn’t meant for us and it’s not good for you, at all.

Relationship can wait, Friendships if they are real can stand a month or two without talking daily find some time to do something in the words of my favorite Tyler the creator song …. find some time to do something that benefits your life goals… everything else can wait…

Life isn’t easy. Getting to where you need to be in life wont be easy, you might have to work a crappy job just to make ends meet but remember its only temporary, once you find your calling do whatever it takes to meet your goals …

I have a new life plan…. I’m been thinking about my life lately as per usually but, I come to many realization and truths about myself. I have stop lying to myself about the world around me and accepted things for what they are…here are a few tips to find your calling

  1.  having a passion is different from having a career… your passion might not make a living it can if you want it to be, but be prepared…. it may not 
  2. don’t listen to the masses you don’t need college if you can’t find a career that fits a major in a certain college …. create your own path
  3. take that leap of faith you will regret not doing it trust me 
  4. trust your gut listen to yourself im sure you won’t steer yourself wrong
  5. have faith !
  6. create a life plan! follow every step no matter how long it takes

After taking my own advice, I feel as though its only right to give you guys my new and improved life plan before… on my old life plan I wanted to move out when I graduated nursing school, become a nurse and blah,blah, blah. My new life plan is revised and realistic and still helps me complete my goals ….

New life plan….

  1. get license ✓ *as of last week I’m officially a legal driver* after 3 years of failing… never give up
  2. get a car
  3. find a job full or part-time depending on school schedule
  4. start a savings put back at least $50-100 every month in savings account
  5. get a small apartment maybe just for a year if I don’t finish college within 1-2 years I may move back to focus on school
  6. change major !?!? yes! to healthcare management, easier more flexible work environment that suits me more.
  7. graduate by 2019
  8. find a job preferably at a clinic, hospital, or children’s hospital
  9. start a business or perfect my YouTube channel subscribe  here
  10. maybe move to a different state ?
  11. buy a home!
  12. travel!

We that’s all folks see you next blog post hope you enjoyed and it helped at least one person…never give up follow your dreams and don’t lose the faith !!!!!!!!

Accepting Defeat…


Hey you guys, I know, I Know I havent posted in a while, but life has been kicking my ass nothing new though. I  have a lot to tell you guys especially since it seems my whole life has gone to shit…. Today, we are talking about nursing school…. yeah here we go again…

I named this post, and a YouTube video subscribe here “accepting defeat” because in a sense I am giving up, I don’t like to give up on things. My whole life I’ve been a quitter, but right now in my life, I just can’t lie to myself anymore… it’s exhausting. When I first decided to be a nurse or go to nursing school, you want to know what my number one reason was for going to nursing school?…. The MONEY, and the second was because I thought I would look cute in scrubs … I know, I know you might want to say “charmecia how could you base your entire life or career for a cute uniform” I was 17 sue me…

In all honesty, I knew I couldn’t complete nursing the moment I talked to a woman who calls herself nursenicole at least that’s on her name on instagram and snapchat, she amongst many I reached out to for guidance and the truth, told me many things …I asked them a number of questions like is was hard? is it good money? why did you choose nursing? blah, blah, blah and across the board I got the same discouraging answers, but whats different about what nurse Nicole had to say to me will always stick with me. She said something along the lines of  “this career is draining, I barely get to see my son it’s incredibly stressful, is the money good? yeah, of course your basically a doctor, but the work is demanding and extremely hard and now I am stuck here thousands of dollars in debt with a degree I despise” When she told me that all my warning signs went up!

…But I ignored them for the sake of lying to myself… I told myself hey if you study for hours you should be fine *I wasnt* if you don’t get a job and focus completely on school you should me fine, but I wasnt. I was the farthest thing from fine, I had somehow lied to myself for so long that I truly believe it, I mean come on I barely graduated highschool how the hell was I going to be able to complete nursing school, Now I know you might want to say something encouraging, like don’t give up! you can do this!, but the simple fact of the matter is that I can’t do this, I just CANT, I have waved the white flag and i am accepting defeat, and that’s fine.

But, Hey, look on the bright side I think I have found a career that can accommodate my needs/lifestyle, something that’s not as stressful as nursing school and something that makes a good enough living like nursing, That career is healthcare management… I was told by an advisor 35-40% of nurses try to go for a healthcare management degree, I hate I didn’t find this career sooner, but on the bright side I have bout ten classes already completed! I should if I switch my major next year be done in a year! and im excited again. I have hope! I feel as though this is the pep talk I needed for myself years ago..

The older you get the more you become more realistic! and the more you understand exactly what you want out of life, and im slowing getting there I understand what I can and can’t do… I’m not a genius so school will be hard for me, but I can make it easier on myself by understanding what I can and can’t do, I am learning to get over my jealous, competitive, and show-offy behaviors…college is not a race, I can’t be trying to finish faster than the next man. I have to stay focus and stay on my path…. This is something I need to do for me and only me …

To wrap this post up, I want to give you guys a few tips. Just because I would like this post to at least help one person… instead of it just being an unhealthy way for me to vent online …. these are a few tips I have on how to choose a career that suits you!

  1. Think of something you are truly passionate about…seriously anything if you are passionate about Barbie dolls … then put that into consideration
  2. Take an online or paper career test or personality test is a good company/website that helps determine what type of job suits you best
  3. Do intensive research on a career you are interested in, look up the salary in different states as well as your own, look up the job outlook, and the responsibilities of that job requirement
  4. Determine what type of person you are, and be brutally honest, are you lazy? are you a morning person, are you a night owl, are you an active person and have high energy or do you prefer a quite rather work alone type of job
  5. DONT lie to yourself, If you know your not a morning person or a person who doesn’t like the same everyday routine then maybe you shouldnt be a teacher 
  6. Dont follow the money, you will regret it in the long run ! 
  7. Lastly ask for help reach out to people in the same career field that you are choosing remember in life you grow you never know what the future holds so it’s best to pick a career that is your type of flexible

Ok guys that’s all I have for you, im Charmecia thanks for joining me see you next week or maybe month for another depressing ass blog, don’t forget to tip your waitress Goodnight! and drive safe!

Could he be the one?


Hey you guys, sorry I havent posted in a while, nursing school is kicking my ass right now, but today I am so excited and I just want to give you guys a little update on whats going in my life right now..

I been asking God to send me somebody who cares about me and wont leave me since 2014, and I think he finally answered my prayers, but before I tell you about this wonderful man let me tell you about the last guy I was recently seeing…. so as you guys may or may not remember, I was seeing this guy who was giving me mixed emotions, lets just call him Adam, Adam and I met this past summer and had what a 17-year-old might say was fun… but I started to notice how this guy would use me…

We went out a total of 9 times, and I paid for all expect one, He would only come over at night trying to have sex and when I refused he left, He would txt me back at least 6 hours between each text, and once he honestly had the nerve to ask me for $300… and I was so close to giving it to him, only because I just like to help people when I am able, and he “said” he wanted more from me…(yeah about $300 more), but in all seriousness he said he wanted a relationship with me, but treated me like I was some girl he thought he could use…

We actually got into a bad argument 1 week before I met what I want to call my future husband possibly, I told him how I felt and why I think he doesn’t care and how we should spend sometime apart…. you know what his responds was..No not “I like you and want to see where things go”, not a “baby im sorry I will do better” but a “you still gone loan me $300 right ?” The nerve I blocked his number admittedly… a couple of days later I started texting this guy…

This guy was so upfront and honest it blew me away. The day we met he came to pick me up and we went to Starbucks… He opened my door for me and the moment we met til the moment he dropped me off we TALKED like actually had a conversation about our future, We had so much in common and it was so beautiful, I thought to myself could he be what I had been waiting for, crying for and praying to God for…for all these years…

Last week He came over with flowers and asked me to be his girlfriend and gave me a promise ring a week later… No This isn’t some fairy tale I read years ago, this actually happened to me! something I dreamed of, as I am writing this crazily I am planning out our future, him being at my graduation for when I graduate nursing school, me being at his graduation for when he graduates law school, him helping me when I feel down, us moving in together, us getting engaged and telling our mothers, us having a small outdoors wedding or possibly running off to Vegas to get married, Us in paris for our honeymoon, us working hard and building an amazing life together, us traveling, us having a beautiful baby together, us celebrating holidays and growing old together… I know I sound crazy but if you been hurt as many times as I have you would get excited too..


I knew something was special with him because the devil tried to admittedly ruin this for me, The night before he asked me out, my ex asked to come over I never got closure from him and havent seen him in two years, it was so bizarre to me that he finally contacts me once I thought I’ve found someone… and I wont lie I thought about inviting him over to talk about us…but instead I let it go and I facetimed the man I see so much potential in and I couldn’t be more excited…. To building a future and one day loving you and only you!

Are you fake ?


Today’s blog post is more of a vent than actually advice or tips, well both, but today’s subject is something that I have noticed a lot about my generation, it’s the obsession with calling someone fake or people actually being fake so lets argue….

We have all done something that someone might consider fake…. When I was in high school I did some really shady things to people/friends and made some pretty poor life decision and I will always be ashamed of my actions, things I use to do include, showing off too much (well sometimes still do), pretending a situation is better than what it actually is, talking shit about friends, etc. I definitely wasn’t the model teenager or friend but after losing a friend and having karma whoop my ass, I learned how to be a better and more mature person.

Not everyone is fake, the line between being fake and being proud of yourself or hell having a different opinion than others is quite thin, but you have to be mature enough to understand the difference for example, If you get a new car, its ok to want to post it on social media and be proud of yourself that’s not fake…. the fakeness comes when you try to pretend like you never didn’t have a car at one point, like you never struggled, and making other people or someone you could call a friend feel bad about their situation. If you have a friend that rides the bus constantly saying things like “I don’t know how y’all be so old and not have a car” is very inconsiderate. The problem with a lot of people is they pretending they don’t struggle or overly bragging its the reason we all at one point lose friends, because we not mature enough and every small thing u do that is considered fake, you just cover it up as they just hating….No, u don’t go up to a homeless person and brag about buying a new home…

You doing better than me, that’s great keep up the good work, you not doing as good as me, that’s ok things take time️. Be understanding and mature. Not everyone is going to have it as good as you, even if you don’t know it people secretly go through things and you just have to be mature enough to understand that….




Don’t assume that friend that has a mom and a dad has prefect life, I grew up without a dad and envied everyone who did, I assumed if you had a mother and a father in your life it was great, but that might not be the case every time… I have had friends who had their mom and dad and was abused and mistreated in their household, it’s not safe or nice to assume, be kind to everyone… and vise versa don’t assume because I didn’t have a dad life was horrible. My mom and grandmother made my childhood magical. I can’t remember a christmas where I didn’t get exactly what I asked for. They will always and forever be apart of me!



I have this bad on social media where I over do almost everything, I brag too much, I vent too much, I overreact too much I recently thought I lost all my friends over a disagreement and that wasn’t the case at all…. IM VERY EXTRA !!!! Although on social media its safe for me to sometimes over do things, only because my friends aren’t as social media driven as me, and also, what I post on social media, I don’t exactly say to my friends, for example on my twitter it looks like I’m having fun in college and I study everyday, when I talk to my friends I am a bit more open. I tell them how I failed a test, and how my professor is so horrible, I be frank with my friends and a little more private on social media. Know the difference if everything is not ok, it’s not ok! Of course you don’t have to share that information with your friends, if you don’t want to but don’t pretend or rub in their face that everything is fine, because it might not be for them!



Since I am not a mind reader, I don’t know how someone feels, if they don’t tell me. I can say something that offends you, and make you upset, and if you never tell me and just decide to hate me for it, talk down toward me, or cut me off for it… Its immature, Yes! you can make the decision to not want to be around someone for what they said/did or how they treat you, but at least tell them how you feel or what they did, so that person doesn’t have to wonder and can make a change and or apology.



Kendrick Lamar said it best, be humble seat down!!! Here’s a small story I have to share…I remember once I dropped out of high school and for a good 6 months I didn’t have a diploma or didn’t know how I was going to graduate, and by the grace of God I ended up getting my diploma, and once I did you couldn’t tell me shit! I was posting my diploma on Facebook, Twitter, and the whole world just letting people know I made it like 6 months ago I wasn’t scared shitless, and at the time I had a friend or in all honesty a friendmeny (a person who is considered a friend but deep down y’all mistreat each other) that didn’t graduate high school either and while I was posting all this, I didn’t give two fucks about her feeling, and that to me, what I did was very fake! So you have to humble yourself and remember where you came from!!

So that’s all I have for you guys, just thought I’d vent and try to help people from making the same mistakes I did. When you are younger and more immature… the hunger for success or to be the first at something is real, and you have to not lose yourself in jealousy or envy!!!

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤❤

Skin care routine from an acne riddle adult ?

Hey everyone today I am here with hopefully a short and sweet blog post, about my skin care routine, before I give you all my secrets let me give you a little history on my skin…

I have had acne since the 6th grade, and each year of life I gain it grows worst! Not sure what the hell is going on but I am definitely visiting a dermatologist really soon, I mostly have really oily skin which causes my breakouts, but I have created a routine, where each month I have fewer and fewer breakouts, and I even managed to get rid of a couple of dark spots and here is how I did it …


  1. Find your skin type and what works best for you!!

Please visit a dermatologist unlike me. we all have different skin types…. I could be allergic to something I am using now! and wouldn’t even know it because I havent seen a doctor about my skin, so do as I say and not as I do and visit your local dermatologist !!

2. Create a routine !

I like to at least wash my face twice a day. Once in the morning, and Once before I go to bed, that usually works for me, but some people need more some people need least times to wash their face, So find something that is comfortable for your skin type, whether it’s once a day or 4 times a day do research and figure what is best for you!


3. Natural products !

Natural anything is way better than the chemically process stuff. If you can’t afford a dermatologist and don’t know if your skin can handle certain types of skin care products always go the natural route, you can make your on face mask out of simply honey, lemon juice, and cinnamon. It all depends on what your skin can handle. My favorite place to shop for natural products, if I am not making them myself is amazon they have lots of good natural products for cheap!! just make sure you read the ingredient list before you buy!!


drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water dink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water drink water and drink water !!!! healthy skin loves plenty of water !!!!!!


5. Your diet

Sorry to say this, but being healthy is absolutely necessary to have good skin and overall good health… Try a richer diet in vegetables and fruits avoid starchy foods and too much sugars like sodas, but again this all depends on you, You could be allergic to certain things, and you may have notice certain foods that may not be considered healthy could potentially make your skin glow, and if that’s the case whatever floats your boat!


Please don’t touch your face or pick at your face…and always wash your hands the dirt and oil that is on your hands and finger tips really can hurt your skin!! so be clean and safe please !!!

Ok, that’s all I have for you guys today and for a surprise, here is my skin care routine

  1. Wake up drink 1 bottle of water
  2. Wash face with oil-free ance wash pink grapefruit by Neutogena
  3. Make bae tea or any detox or any complexion tea that I may have, make a cup drink it by noon
  4. Use Hawaiian face toner throughout the day when my face gets too oily…
  5. Around bed time wash face throughly with warm water
  6. Use either my avocado mask or Manuka honey brighten mask or any mask I have available, put on face for 5 mins before washing off with warm or cold water
  7. Take a make up wipe and put Hawaiian facial toner on it and gently wash face for any extra dirt that could be lingering around

And that’s it you guys if you want to see this in action subscribe to my YouTube channel  will upload routine soon !!!here

Weight loss tips from a fat chick…


Hey, everyone lucky charm here back with another blog post, I would like to take some time and thank everyone who has recently followed my account, that really makes me happy, and also if you guys could subscribe to my YouTube channel here I would appreciate it!

Ok, so let’s get into today’s blog post today since I lost 5 pounds this week, (high fives myself) I decided to give some tips and advice on weight loss. Now I know some asshole may say, how can you give me advice on weight lost when you finding all the weight you trying to lose?…HA HA very funny (cries on the inside), but don’t judge a book by its cover. I have lost huge amounts of weight 2 times in my 20 years of living once. I once lost 60 pounds, the other time I lose 45, and I am here to tell you how I did it. This is what I will be doing for the remainder of the year. I will upload my result  towards the end of December!


We all have heard the drink water tip at least a million times, but drinking water is very crucial in your diet, you know if you kind of like living. I usually drink water when I am feeling hungry and it’s not time for me to eat yet, try drinking a gallon or at least 3 bottles of water a day! stay hydrated and healthy!


Tip #2 Schedule what time you eat!

This tip is very important…. TIMING is everything, especially depending on your metabolism. Try to eat 3 meals a day with 2 light snacks whenever you feel a little hungry. Put yourself on a strict schedule, so your body can get use to it. What I like to do for breakfast is wake up between 8-9 am, and either have Cheerios or frosted flakes with a banana, or if I want something hot I will make a waffle with blueberries on top…. for lunch, which is between 1-2 pm for me I usually eat a salad with no meat or a microwaveable Lean Cuisine meal, around 4 pm I eat a light snack, then around 7 pm I have dinner, which is usually some form of meat… chicken,turkey,or meatballs with a side of two types of vegetables, and I try my very best not to eat after 8 pm, but if I have to I have a light snack maybe yogurt, some fruit, or a granola bar usually around 10 pm or hour before I go to bed.


Tip #3 Get up and exercise

This has and always will be hard for me, I hate and love to work out. I love going to the gym, but I don’t really have transportation to go as much as I want to, so 90% of the time I go for jogs around my neighborhood, its the worst yet sometimes is very therapeutic for me, it helps me sweat, but if I am extra lazy I just go to YouTube type in beginners work out and do that instead.


Tip #4 You have to stick to it! Find motivation

You have to find a good reason to stay motivated, granted when I lost all the weight the first two times, it wasnt for me. It was to be more acceptable for my highschool image instead of for myself or health, reason I gained all the weight back after highschool, then the second time I lost weight was because of my ex, he broke up with me and I wanted him to see what he had lost, and that wasnt a good reason either. That’s the reason I gained it all back, because I wasn’t doing it for myself or for a better lifestyle. Do it for you and you only!


# 5 Eating healthy

Honestly this is probably the hardest thing about weight loss, not because healthy food is nasty. You can find tons of recipes for something you like.No, but because its expensive. A salad at McDonald’s is $4.99, but a double cheese burger a $1. It really is hard to be healthy and be broke, but you can always purchase microwaveable meals that usually go for a $1-3, also cook food in bulk, meal prep is key. You can make a huge pot of chicken soup that can last for a week or two, Now, it’s gone be hard just eating chicken soup for two weeks, but it’s food and it’s healthy. You just have to budget and use coupons!

48808.png 6360440221471249821490024373_eatright
Well, you guys that’s all I have for you today, hopefully I can stick to this plan myself. My goal is to lose 30 pounds by December, and I am sure I can do it, and so can you! Just remember you are doing this for yourself and nobody else!! =)

How to create a life plan?

Hey you guys lucky charm here, back with another blog post, and today I want to write about something short,sweet, and helpful. How to create a life plan and stick to it!

Before I give you step by step tips on creating your own life plan. I want to be clear…. In no way, shape, or form do I have my life all together. I'm 20 years old and at least two years behind on my original life plan, but that's not stopping me, and neither should it stop you. It doesn't matter what age you are, although its helps to have a life plan at a  young age, it DOES NOT mean you're too old or it's too late to have one. As long as you want change and have goals you can do it!!


Think about your future long and hard, although you don't need every aspect of your life figured out, think about everything you want in life and don't compromise, but be realistic, for example… if you want to be an artistic or a photographer, and you also want a mansion, it's not realistic considering the pay for those professions, but it is very much possible!! but will take sometime.



DO NOT get discourage under any circumstances!! That will be the death of your dreams/goals. If your constantly bringing yourself down then you will surely fail, bringing yourself down,which is something I use to do a lot and sometimes still do, (I guess old habitats die-hard) will only hurt you in the long run. The best advice I have for up lifting yourself is a good work out, (if you have good friends) hanging out with friends, and or family members, taking a small break and doing something for yourself, and lastly…this one may be a little bit controversial, but remember whatever your going through, its someone out there who has got it twice as bad as you. If your breathing and not buried somewhere six feet under count your blessings!

do it


Put yourself on a time frame… for example after you make your general life plan, like your career choice, schooling, and overall things you want to have, pick the most important or the one that is the most easiest/convenient for you… If you want a car say something like "by the end of this year I will have a car" say it, mean it, and work for it!



To go back to the car scenario…. to want a car is not enough, you have to work hard and save for one. Remember now, you are not where you want to be in life yet, so don't say you want a Range Rover and you're still in college working at McDonald's…. BE REASONABLE! Find a car that is reliable and for a good price! not Cheap price!! Now once you get the car, remember there will be extra expenses you will have to consider like insurance, gas, and emergency money for oil changes, flat tires, and etc. Which brings me to tip #5



Budgeting is always good!! Rather you're a CEO, work at a fast food joint, or hell even if you are jobless, any money you come in contact with needs to be carefully spent. Jay z once said "you don't have a $100 until you have $200" which means be careful on how you spend your money. If you want a car, that iPhone 8 will have to wait. Prioritize! If you make $600 every two weeks seat down, grab a pencil and paper, and budget… Realize and ask yourself questions like… If you live with your mom and want your own place can you handle rent and a car note without living paycheck to paycheck?


TIP #6 PRAY !!!!!!!!

Praying is the most therapeutic thing for me right now in my life. I don't know what you believe in or don't, but if you believe in some form of a higher power, pray! Heck you can even pray to the universe for things to fall in your favor. A simple prayer I made for myself goes like this… "Lord give me the strength and wisdom to carry on, may your love and grace fall down on me, I understand if I want something bad enough in life I must have faith and work hard, please Lord if it's in your will  ___________" in that blank you can say whatever you need …. for example " please Lord if it's in your will guide me to
a dependable job, and a car to take me from point A to point B in Jesus name I pray"



One of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite YouTubers …Spoken reasons "FAITH,CONSISTENCY, & HARD WORK!" that is everything you'll need to be successful in life… each word is powerful ! Faith: To have complete trust or confidence in someone or something!!! Consistency: The quality of achieving a level of performance which does not vary greatly in quality but over time!!! Hard work: A great deal of effort or endurance!! With all three you can't fail!!!


Well guys that's all I have for you hoped you guys enjoy… also just for bonus here is my life plan….


  1. Get a dependable car for school
  2. Graduate college by age 24, with good grades, and also try to make friends and be more out going.
  3. By age 25 I should be a college graduate with my bachelors degree and have a stable job, hopefully in my own place as well but I don't want to move out until I have *at least $3-5k in the bank saved…(sidenote before moving into my own place slowly buy things over time for my home instead of buying everything at once!!)
  4. By age 30 I should have at least $10-15k saved in a bank, if possible also starting my own business, and hopefully by then I've found someone who I can trust and build with.
  5. When I am 33 I shall Take a year break  from work and travel for one year straight with my husband and see the world.
  6. By age 35 I will start a family, once I find out I'm pregnant open a savings account for my child/children and put $20 a month in that account until they're 18 for college
  7. enjoy life, live free, love and be happy!!


oliva gif options

Is it me ?

I told myself I was going to write an informative and positive blog today, maybe something like a morning routine, but no I am here to vent as usual. It’s hard not having no one to talk to, because when your lonely you turn to things that are no good for you. Like drugs… or something less intense like… venting to strangers or the internet, telling all your business to people who look at it and laugh…I believe I create problems for myself. I have a friend, and for the sake of her privacy lets call her Tiffany…. I always admired Tiffany, she was cute, funny, and has a do not give a fuck attitude. If someone crosses her or makes her feel a certain way *poof* they’re gone. I always admire her ability to let things/people go that hurt her…. I will never forget, she was dating this guy and they were together for a while, and he wasn’t acting right and was heading on the wrong path, and as quick as they started she ended it. She never really talked about him much after that. She said “he’s no good… im done” I was in shock and inspired all at the same time.

Right now, what’s keeping me up and keeping my fingers typing across my ancient 2010 Macbook is of course some guy… yeah I know, I know what a cliché a girl who blogs and has issue in her love life… I am a black Carrie from sex and the city (yes this is my  2nd sex and the city reference I love the show sue me!) The problem I am having is why can’t things be simple? Why can’t a guy/girl just be honest and say what he or she wants? why the lies, why the pretending, why all the extra shit huh? Right now I am contemplating blocking this guy’s number. We’ve been seeing each other all summer and I grew quite fond of him. No! I am not in love, I just really like his company especially since I am basically friendless and really lonely right now… oh and the sex isn’t half bad either..

Me and this guy just don’t click, and not because we don’t want the same things in life or don’t have anything in common, but because he can’t be honest. Our problem is communication, in a whole day we probably text 5 times, with a 2-8 hours of delay on his part. I told him how I felt one day and we actually text for a good hour about it, and he told me how he felt and he made me feel reassured, but that didn’t last very long. The very next day he was back on his bullshit. He has me feeling like I’m not wanted or like I am annoying. I found myself blocking him, but then he’ll just call me from another phone pretending to care and talking me into unblocking him, and at this point I’m basically hurting myself… and I don’t know how to stop this cycle…

I am a very caring person… I don’t believe in having people come in and out of my life. Since I was a kid my dad ruined how I loved, because he was so in and out of my life I found myself at one point trying my hardest to make him stay and love me instead of letting him go. I remember I once gave my dad $30, that I had saved up for like 6 months (I was like 10 so yeah it took me a while to save up 30 bucks) just because I wanted him to smile and say “My daughter always has my back” and that’s how I deal with men now. I try my best to make them see I am a good person to have in their corner, that I’m caring, loving, and much more, and that if you needed something and I didn’t have it I would find a way to get it simple!

My relationship with men from day one has been shit!! It got so bad I tried to set little booby traps (metaphorically of course) out for a boyfriend during high school. I basically promise or had sex first and then I thought maybe if the guys likes it we can build from there. I give him what he wants then I’ll get the relationship I want, but no lol!! They left soon after and I didn’t understand why for a while… it got so bad that my friends were looking at me funny… like what the hell girl? but I was determined to find a guy who loved me, because hey whats not to love .. I’m funny, smart, kind, and would do anything I could to make someone happy yet I still get treated like dirt.

I wasn’t suppose to open up about my past traumas on this post, but I guess I got a little carried away. To wrap things up, the guy I am dealing with… who also hasn’t text me back yet (its been about 7 hours) is an issue in my life right now. Its time to let this go while it doesn’t hurt so much… well it hurts of course but it nothing I haven’t been through before, feeling like you’re not good enough will always hurt, but I know once I do cut him off, I have no one… again, no one to talk to, no one to spend time with, no one at all. That’s probably why I am so reluctant on cutting him off. I’ll be right back where I started but actually, a little more broken this time.



School in ‘Merica!

Hey there, I'm back with another depressing ass blog about my life and my fears. Today we will be discussing how college and the american school system is trash, and how to prepare yourself…. are you ready… NO …. good neither I am. Let me first start off by telling why I believe college is so difficult in the first place… The public school system in America is a complete disaster. Lets start with the obvious, why doesn't school teach us things we actually need in life??.. Like how to file taxes, how to build credit, and hell how to even change a flat tire, but no we get learn the Pythagorean theorem like 4 different times in 5 different grades….

Anyways let me tell you my personal horror story with the public school system. From grade 1st-7th I was an amazing student AB honor roll, one year I even got straight A's… all that changed my 8th grade year. I got so tired of not getting enough credit from the teachers. In every class we had what i called a "demon" these students skip class, disrupt class, and were kinda disrespectful to the teacher, yet theses students got extra time to turn in homework, hell even snacks… I remember thinking WTF! am I working so hard for if all I have to do… is not do shit, and get praised for that…so that's exactly what I did.

I started skipping, not really doing homework, and over all just being stubborn. Towards the end of my highschool years things got so bad and I started to completely not care… I dropped out of highschool and went to this alternative highschool, even though I still got an actual diploma, and not an Ged it still was a very weird and terrible school system. This school was really for people like… girls who maybe were pregnant or had kids, people who had no transportation to school, people who worked a lot, or just didn't have the time to be at school 5 days a week and 8 hours a day!! You couldn't be over 20 to get in this school… it again was an actually high school. You were only required to come 2 days out of the week for at least 1 hour… yeah sounds like a dream huh? This school didn't serve lunch which I thought was odd or maybe my fat girl senses were just mad not actually me mad, and they only had about 10 teachers who each specialized in a certain subject. It was oddly disproportioned, it would be one math teacher and like seven reading teachers for some reason.

I remember the moment I  got there, how I realized this was a big mistake, but it was too late. They had a rather simple yet unusual system 10 books = 1 credit, and 5 books = .5 credit of course. After you completed the book you took a test on it, you only had 3 attempts. If you failed 3 times you had to redo the entire book, and some books contained 500 word essays and 300 pages of work!! I think the fuck not!! I had 19.5 credits when I transferred there, and needed 3.5 more to graduate, which meant I needed to complete 35 books right?…  (In my evil Donald trump voice) Wrong!!!

They made me take classes I didn't even need. I ended up graduating with 26 credits….I only needed 24! I completed 60 books. Some didn't even go towards my credits. It was the worst decision I ever made in my life. No one even helped me with the assignments. I did it all on my own…. this school completely miss the ball park of course and didn't prepare me for college, so as a result of that I ended up having to go to community college just to get a decent GPA, and some experience before I applied to the university I wanted to go to.

Now I'm here… my first year of college was half and half, it was hard because I made it hard. I refused to study correctly. I half did some assignments, but ended up doing pretty well. Now I am at my dream school. I switch my major from ADN to BSN, simply because after I graduate college. I refuse to come back. No, I don't need or want my master degree. The highest form of eduction I want is my bachelor degree, so I decided why not get it over with now, it'll only take me an extra 2 years from my original plan… so here  I am scared of failure and yearning for success.

So here's my advice for all new college students…

  1. Study, Study, Study…. everyday!!! that's the only way to pass
  2. Don't give up theres gonna be times when you think I cant do this and trust me you can!!!
  3. Use all the resources you have or all your school provides…the library at your school (if printing is free print practice test as many as they allow) any free books, tutors at your school, anything that can help you success use it!
  4. Build a strong professional!! relationship with your professor it may come in handy towards the end of the year!
  5. Take notes!!! I don't care if your professor makes a bad joke during the lectures write the joke down !!! write it all down… write it all down!!
  6. DONT procrastinate…. just don't !!!

Well you guys that's all I have for you today….if you have any question feel free to contact me !!! Happy Studies and my the force …. better yet may your GPA be with you, or forever in your favor!!!

How college students are feeling now that finals are upon us... - Imgur