Oh, I could write 3 novels of reasons why I am single… too ugly, too fat, too annoying perhaps. No, I find myself beautiful (at times) but my beauty or the lack there of is not the reason I am single today…oh no, no, no, no ,no (in Georgina’s voice from get out), I am single because I refuse to be walked over, mistreated, and abused. Gather around the camp fire you guys I have a story to tell you, well not a story more of me venting but hey… who cares. I’ve  never had a decent relationship with a guy, and surprise, surprise it’s because I didn’t have my father in my life. Yes, I have daddy issue sue me. I’ve never understood men, not even a little bit. About a year and a half ago I got really into sex in the city. Oh, how I loved this show and their witty characters. I could remember wanting to have the lifestyle of Carrie’s. Living in New York, seeing my friends every week, fashion, sex, and making money. It was the ultimate dream. I honestly related more to Samantha rather than Carrie. Samantha’s carefree, fuck anything with a 6 pack was so powerful to me, but the point I am trying to make here is, like Carrie and unlike Samantha I craved foundation, stability, and happiness. Although, I wouldn’t mind the lifestyle of Samantha’s somedays, but I have the heart of Carrie. That constantly needing reassurance and attention, because of that I find myself not living the full college experience. I was told that college is for you to be young, cut loose, have your first lesbian experience, and threesome, yet here I am, living with my mom, naked in my room eating a pack of family sized Oreos… by myself. What I am doing wrong if anything? Should I hop in my car and fuck the first guy that texts me back? or should I continue to wait for Mr. Right, or to keep with the sex and the city theme of this blog post Mr. Big?  What should i do? I am scared, young, and lonely, But Hey what do I know? I’ll just masterbate and fall asleep and pretend I dont have these dreadful feelings inside about my future…Ha Ha life is funny sometimes and other times, its just bullshit =)master

2 thoughts on “WHY am I single ?

  1. I know those feels. I lived like Samantha for quite awhile, jumping to one guy and the next. I also blame my daddy issues, he was a workaholic, and basically my only interaction with him was him beating whooping our butts for something wrong we did, until he passed away when I was 14. Only thing I knew about guys was sex. Fast forward to now (25) I met my current boyfriend by odd circumstance and have been with him for 2 years now. I wish I hadn’t gone through all that bullshit and assholes, because I never believed I’d find someone like him. But if I hadn’t gone through the dirtbags, loneliness, and dark void, I wouldn’t have ended up where I am now, with my fortified inner strength, or in a random city where I met my boyfriend. Don’t give up. Shit happens, and someday what you want will happen to you.

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    1. Sorry to hear about your dad and your absolutely right its so amazing you found someone it gives me hope im so scared of getting hurt again… but i have to kiss a couple of frogs before i get to my prince i guess !!! Thanks for sharing and commenting it really means alot to me!!

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