Goodbye old friend
This blog post is dedicate to a person I once called a friend and due to mental health issues/just being an asshole … this will essentially be a goodbye and good luck letter to her I have a few blogs post I’m going to dedicate to a lot of people soon the good and the bad and don’t worry I’m not suicidal or going to end it all I just like to speak from the heart and have something good on the internet for people to remember me by lol … ….let’s begin ….
Time … time will heal us all but I know that’s far away for a person like me honestly no creepy shit been thinking about you for the past 3-4 days the 1st thought was genuine let me text her and see how she been … the 2nd thought was more spiteful “why did I accept her “friendship so fast” “why did I let her back in my life ?” we haven’t been friends for 3 years A.G …you have blocked me about once a year either from my real account or a fake one I used to spy on my ex when we was once together but each time i reached out you drew a line in the sand and said no, fool me once shame on me fool me twice same on you… i recently told my fiancé
how I was feeling gave him a scenario 1st without telling him the truth and his answer was shocking “bae what would you do if a friend you once knew said something so mean it broke your heart” ??
Bae- “how bad excatly??”
Me- “never mind all that just listen so what if this friend said something bad after you “provoked them” then after years of you reaching out and trying to set things right you keep getting blocked …they finally hit you up tho randomly one day and say hey here’s my number hmu if ever need me what would you do ?”
Bae-“I wouldn’t hit them up or even reach out you know me charm only person I care for is you and my moms i wouldn’t let it affect me”
me-“that’s not the answer I’m looking for but ok”
bae-“ I don’t think you realize how much you got going for yourself seriously..!! I have seen you do things that would take my momma or me years, you just need to let shit go”
As he said that my heart dropped ..girl I live for compliments mixed with truth because it’s rare for me lol
He was right tho, let’s call a spade a spade I was obsessed with our friendship purely because I had abandonment issues …it’s not like I even like you as a friend its was just the idea of losing someone and having them think poorly of me ..didn’t seat right with me..
Yes I hurt you big time , and I like to use the excuse well you hurt me but two wrongs don’t make a right … I was your worst nightmare …a girl who didn’t know her place in this world ..confused and lost
it’s no coincidence our senior year of highschool we became real close … meaning you now skipping school with me to hang with two knuckleheaded boys…
well how is it we both dropped out ?? That year ….You don’t find that suspicious inserts Dr umar Johnson meme .. i dragged you down with me not intentionally but because confusion/misery loves company… I remember like half of the events that caused our 1st fight…
The beginning of the end
…2016 me and you still cool we snap chatting each other tagging each other in twitter post then boom you tell me you’re getting a puppy lol … now you may say now charm ?? how did a puppy ruin y’all friendship well let me tell you..
Surprise surprise I got jealous… like super jealous and I wanted a puppy too dammit !! So I got one then I ask A.G where is yours??… no real answer so now you are a liar to me .. I hop my happy go lucky ass on twitter and start straight throwing shots after shots after shots now there was more to this issue or more stuff in the middle but this was years ago I really can’t remember lol …let’s move forward to the moment I knew I would never be cool with you again deep down
So I’m talking shit on twitter you have me blocked I think so I think I’m free and clear to talk all the shit I want…
ring ring who number is this I’m not answering … 7 seconds later ring ring I answer…
A.G – “bitch do You wanna fight ??”
Me- “you know where I live”
A.G – “you the one with the car pull up”
Me- “I ain’t got my license you pull up don’t you got a license and a car ‘? “
A.G – “bitch you scary af all that ca—- “
me – click
5-10 mins later text from
A.G – “girl you lame af (these are not exact words just a general idea stay with me lol) you scary and your house nasty af and you done had like 2 abortions (laughing emoji)
me-“ bitch bye you better put the phone down before your mom see and beat yo ass ain’t you on punishment?? you a duck ass bitch talking about a Nigga all day that didn’t even want you girl bye (kissing face emoji)
A.G if you’re ever reading this…and ever wondering if you should allow me back into your life ?? Go back to those paragraphs above …that’s your clear answer ….how??? just how ??can we say we were friends saying awful shit like that … til this day I will never trust you
My shame my dirty screct yes world I had an abortion at 17 … still to this day I have regrets but realistically speaking I’m glad yup I said it glad I wasn’t a single mother, but i digress I told you that in confidence how many ppl did you tell if any A.G ?? I know I provoked you but you hit the juggler vein with that one … you have been the only person out of the 4 I told that threw that in my face… how dare you ?
So as you can see we had some flaws so why back in 2018ish we got back cool …why ?? I don’t know … we’ll maybe I do late summer early fall of 2018 your mom came rushing to my moms home
Mrs.A.G -“ hey have your daughter seen my daughter??”
My mom- “ I’m not sure Meci (my childhood nickname) moved out I wouldn’t know”
Mrs A.G- “ok well here is my number have your daughter call me”
My mom then calls me “ baby have you seen that A.G she is missing her mom looking for her”
Me “ scared/shocked no mama what happened she ok ?!?!”
Mom- “I don’t know here is her mom number “
Not sure if. I called your moms but I know I went straight to twitter and by the memory of a crazy bitch type in your user name and there you was (damn I low key sound like Joe from you) ..
goes straight to dms – “hey you ok ?? I’m so scared by the troubling news if you need help or need me to pick you up I don’t care call me !!”
You eventually hit me back we catch up and boom friends again .. I was happy yet still not over those evil words we exchanged years ago but happy nonetheless… it started out as usual a text a call movational txt here and there… then boom trouble and trouble just so happen to be a cute guy with a killer smile
Let’s fast forward all the small moments you know us hanging with these dudes at the park , you a vegan buying chicken for everyone at my crib one day and all you ate was fries lol I’m laughing because that’s how selfless you are always coming through for stuff we had no business doing
Let’s skip the small moments and get to the nitty gritty … the bad moments I remember this gut punching day like it was yesterday
2018 Oct 31st Halloween I throw a party… now if I wasn’t a dumb little girl that party would have just been for us girls 🙂 just watching scary movies drinking wine and feeling comfortable and safe to do so but instead I invited anybody in my shit
One guy gets so drunk after he specifically said I’m Not a drinker and throws up on my floor that dude with the killer smile is recording him putting him on Snapchat tbh that’s a start of a villains origin story ….to be embrassed at a party in front of a girl he like .. smh we all lucky to be alive lol
That night continues we all chilling in the living room you and mr. Smile are just flirting it up so much to the point no lie me and my other friend start texting each other like wow this is cringey lol no offense so y’all flirting even pillow fighting and everyone minding their business now this next part let’s keep it between you and me we all know what happened that night so boom..
*edit ( in the sense of being honest I will tell what happened not only to clear my name but so you A.G if you ever read this fully u will know … after y’all pillow fought y’all went to the bathroom you wasn’t stumbling he wasn’t dragging you y’all both got up like functioning adults and went to the bathroom now what happened in that bathroom only 3 ppl know you, mr.smiles and our mutual friend who walked in on y’all , …now you are telling me you were in a position where you felt this man is hurting you …then why not say anything when our mutual friend walked in on you all ??? why not like U have done a million times before tell me to meet you in the bathroom turn on the water and tell me what’s wrong ??)*
Everyone leave just me you and our other girl friend don’t remember if we stay up later talking or went straight to bed but everything was good like really good I believed that next weekend we went to the pound and I kid you not we got tested I think it snowed that day …nothing out of the ordinary til mr. Smiles baby mama calls me questioning me
Mr. Smiles baby mama -“what happened at your party between your friend and my baby daddy”
me- ( not being a snitch cause if her man like to cheat then he gone cheat ) girl nothing your babydaddy wasn’t even there long why ??”
Mr. Smile Baby mama- “well that’s not what I heard I’m at the store where A.G mama work and she told me you and my babydaddy took advantage of her (aka i set her up to be r*ped !)
Me- “* stomach drops* wtf are you talking about ?? I literally seen her this weekend she is my friend 1. I would never do that and 2. if this true your babydaddy a deadman”
Mr. Smile baby momma-“ girl I don’t know what going on I’m just asking you..”
Me- “ I will get to the bottom of it”
…*Calls A.G. *
Me- “ hey i just got some disturbing news you can tell me the truth did mr. Smiles hurt you “
A.G- “huh girl what are u talking about”
I proceed to tell you what’s going on you are shocked and want to fight ole girl for spreading lies ….me … I’m still hurt cause I was just accused of setting up a “r*pe” decided to ignore it I even went as far to asking a few ppl at the party that night did they hear or see anything strange and nothing …where did this awful awful rumor come from..
You.. you let someone convince you I would do such a thing just to cover up your own shame I could have been jailed just because you were embrassed or didn’t like me …
After this our friendship tank fast last time I saw you … you was flirting with this guy at a party I invited you to… i invited you to heal be open and talk…wanted you to meet my new guru of a friend that I’m surprise surprise no longer friends with and almost like a jealous ex I wonder … why are u like this ?? i judged you so fast that night off shit I did daily in my past and I went home and just like u did many years ago i blocked you on everything…
That’s basically what lead us here now, after that situation u said girl fuck me for 3 years straight ….I remember inboxing you no lie on the verge ending my life one night low-key just wanted to tell you and many others goodbye and you blocked 3 mins after i sent the dm as you SHOULD and I knew that day …that was it !!!! STOP chasing a dead friendship I fucked up !!! I need to grow tf up !!
4-5 months after that I’m scrolling on TikTok and see your video lol now this is embrassing but i contemplated on should i like your video didn’t wanna seem obsessed or like I went looking for you ….your page found me (fyp) and I just liked it … I thought the video was well made and I like it and move on two days later I get a dm with your cell number
“call me if you ever wanna talk” you stated all those bad thoughts all the times you ignored /blocked me i instantly ignored lol I responded faster than a rabbit in a race lol yay a friend!!! Holy crap I’m actually feeling bad today I mean I did just had an apartment fire last week so your timing was perfect!
But our past is too tainted we attempted to talk I called you like twice and talked 90% of the time even text u and asked for advice about our new home which btw we went with a different home 🙂 much better neighborhood …but as per usual with adults we got busy … we both work full time i assume and I’m a senior in college our time is valuable !!!
So I text you a little paragraph ….I’m Kidding it was the size of the declaration of independence lol you don’t respond I’m thinking you are busy it’s only been a day til i ask our mutual friend u heared from A.G ?? (Concerned I mean you are in a big new city hoping all was well genuinely)
Our mutual friend responded with a “yeah she straight why ??”
me – “oh starting to think what you said about us getting back cool wasn’t a good idea I think you were right” …
She was right …
You have no need for me or interest in me I’m a girl who we can argue I ruined your life yeah you grown yeah I never forced you to do SHIT but I was a bad influence and that was enough and I know you tired A.G you have a good spirit you just want to be treated well and to be lapped in luxury you have a dream that you will fight for til your death you are respectable and kind you only ever do spiteful or mean shit when someone provokes …you I believe you have a lot of bulit up anger and you have no real way to release it …
Who was the girl you knew all those years
Look I’m beautiful I’m kind I’m smart and funny but I’m also stupid, ugly, mean and just crazy.. I never had a sense of self I always and I mean always hated me.. the short dark skin fat girl that is me.. but look I’m 24 soon 25 and engaged to be married I need to grow up there is no real reason I should be typing a damn essay about a girl who could give af less …..you got DREAMS .. real dreams and so do I … I put so much negative and good energy into our friendship… I completely neglected my baby sisters man and to this day I can barely see my niece I cash app my sister $200 a month and keep it pushing because the relationship between is ruined
… I ruined my life but I’m on the road to rebuilding …this is a 5 year battle I had with myself about you a person who want nothing but happiness and peace i made war with a innocent girl(you) and because of that I don’t deserve to see you at your best or be apart of that journey of growth and you, never apart of mines.
The real apology
… I apologize you even met me and one thing I can say God will be there for us more than we could have ever been there for each other .. I pray for the women you will become one day (: may your peace be protected!!! Goodbye old friend ❤ , if only I was smarter and knew myself more.